I WROTE: “I Know What You Did In The 80’s” charts the poetic growth and events that shaped me from 1987–1989. These poems came from a solitary point of view. They were written for no one but myself at the time. I can’t stress enough how stifled I felt growing up. At school and particularly at home. These poems were where my true voice could live. At a time when other voices were falling silent. And when I was in search of my mentors. I had discovered in literature heroes long past, but came up short in present tense. In a strange way, this absence would later allow myself and my peers to make it up as we went along.
I cannot claim to be of the generation that was hit hardest by AIDS. Although only a youth, I was troubled as I watched from the sidelines. At the start I knew little about sexuality, but I knew I was different. I also knew then that this disease would mark my life in one way or another. I continue to pray for those I’ve lost, for those living with AIDS and for a cure for all peoples of the earth.
The 1980’s was a decade of hard lines. In fashion, art, and music the lines were drawn. You knew where your place was and were definitely reminded where your place was not. My latent view is that the era was motivated by greed. And also by the desire to shake off the hangover of the 1970’s. Think of the song “Goodbye Seventies” by Yaz. Many styles came and went in all genres. But about halfway through the decade, I got tired of the 80’s formula. I saw no place for me. Could it have been the fault of those tenacious drum machines? Or more likely because I was without the resources to become the creature that I always meant to be. So I kept on writing. Setting my thoughts down while I waited for something new.
There are formidable choices to make when going your own way in youth. I adamantly do not spur those in my stead, but I made more sound choices than not. There’s no good reason why anyone should have to play the cards that I was dealt. But as all the aged say...those were different times. I do see “IKWYDIT8” as one boy’s path towards maturity. And about the stuff in between being what others perceive and your true self. And also about the need to face whatever you may lack, accept the facts and find your way to rise above. Not to forget the spirit or to forget those that came before. But to feed your voice so that others may hear. And not to disregard keeping free a space for love.
March ’06
Christian Ortega
PRODUCTION NOTES: Limited editing took place as this book was coming together. While sifting through hundreds of poems the author omitted many. Some poems were considered not quite ripe and some were held for future projects. Efforts were made to not extraneously polish the writing. All corrections were painstakingly regarded to retain the original tone. The process, which began in mid-winter 2004, took the author well over a year to complete.
